How to recognize a GAY among us!!!

Guys normally like watching sports, fixing the gadgets up, pretending to know about car engines, etc. Have you ever wonder how do you locate the GAY among you,,, well the wait is over. (Note: I have nothing against gay people)

1.If a guy has a habit of turning his wrist in 90 degree and standing in S shape then he gotta be definitely gay.

2. If all bros are checking out a girl and someone turns and says he has something important to do. Make sure you look at his facial expression.

3. If a guy speaks with a sound of less than 50 DB. It has been scientifically proven that inside a valley such people cannot make echo.

4. All bros are standing in a group and having some fun subject, out of nowhere if one of them wants to hold your pinky

5. If a guy like to watch Twilight movie without he being forced to watch cause of the girls they know.

6. Guy who makes the "Awwww" sound when he see a puppy. You know that sound that girls make when they see a baby?

7. Guy who watch Justin Bieber songs while staring at him. Thinking of Raj from Karan Johar Movies

8. If a guy insists to drink from a water bottle without using a glass or straw; and while doing so if he is enjoying to have the bottle entirely in his mouth.

9. A guy with zero curiosity of his any gadgets be it car, mobile, laptop, even USB for that matter.

10. While playing ping pong ball (TT), no matter what kind of shot he has to take, if he always holds the bat facing straight up and down, playing like a sissy boy.

11. Guy who wears skinny jeans, likes to hug other buddies,,,, sometime spank them for nothing...

12. A guy who eats/licks ice-cream, Barfacha gola, choco bar, pepsi cola, in a weired way.

13. They seem attracted to objects like pen, pencil, watter bottles.

14. Always like to be in the middle of a sandwich - (On bikes to be specific)

Murphy's law about Girls

Other night, I realized something: I talk a lot about women on my blog. And while that’s great and my advice has led to innumerable amounts of lay age, sometimes it leaves other things by the wayside. May be Murphy didn’t get time to write blogs but he too believed that his rules get applied to girls.

1. Beautiful girl always have a boyfriend. Well what, guy standing next to her is her brother? … ‘in your dreams’ – don’t be stupid  it’s her BOYFRIEND.

2. Theory of relativity

• Hotter she become, faster she will dump you.
• More you are attracted towards a chick, the farer she goes.
• Amount of makeup seen on girl’s face is directly proportional to how worse she looks.
• The more seriously you like a girl…the more seriously her dad will hate you
• Longer the time she spends in mall the quicker your wallet is empty

3. When I was in college, I studies the Murphy’s chapter ‘95% of the girls in this world are beautiful. Remaining 5% would always be in your college.’ I approve this one.

4. If by any chance the girl you like; likes you too, she will let you know in about 10 years from now, when you are committed or married.

5. If she likes you but you don’t and you try to ignore her then she is definitely going to be around you.

6. Kumh ka mela rule: When you two are out there somewhere at nicest scenic place, you are about to open your heart towards feeling you have, she will mention long lost friend (probably from Kumbha ka mela)

7. Corollary to rule of Kumha ka mela: The more desperate you are to tell your feelings to a girl on a private chat, the more probability the long lost friend she discovered is a handsome superman, who beats you in everything 9:1

8. The day the chick you really like comes and speaks to you will be the day when

• You are dressed badly or haven’t bath for a reason
• You forgot to brush your teeth for the first time in your life
• Have a bad hair day

9. If you are on date with her (early dates), if she eats less she is more likely attracted to you. True Story.

10. If your girlfriend says she is cool with your closed gal buddy, well she is not. Do so at your own risk.

11. In theory – girls are way too attracted towards mirror than any living or dead thing on this planet.

12. No matter how hot or unhot a girl is eventually you will like her. It’s called Mermaid theory.

How to Check Out a Girl Without Her Noticing

Have you always wanted to look at a girl without making it obvious? Well, if you follow this advice, you can!

Steps

1. Try not to stare. If you are sitting behind her and see her thong and want to look, just glance slightly for a couple of seconds, and look away.
2. Be extremely careful when looking at cleavage. Try doing this while you are standing or sitting next to her, and looking sideways, so it looks as discreet as possible. Try to look from a downward angle like sitting on a table or stand if she's sitting. Or an even better way is to wear a pair of mirrored sunglasses that way you can look and she won't be able to tell where you are looking.
3. Also, if you want to get a good feel of how a girl looks, make one quick glance and check to see if she's looking your way. If she isn't, look again and look up and down fairly quickly (not too fast cause you won't gain any info, but not so slow that everyone notices) and then turn away
4. Wait until she's busy. There's a great chance she won't catch you looking at her when she isn't paying attention.

Tips

• Don't be a pervert, a girl will notice and you could get in trouble, even with the law in some severe cases.
• Make sure to be discreet, a girl that sees you staring at her will get intimidated and probably slap you.
• Try to look off the corner of your eye.
• Remember: If you can see her eyes, she can see you!
• If she's with a crowd of friends, make sure none of them are looking at you either. If they see you, they'll tell her (not good)!
• Wear sunglasses

Warnings

Don't ever touch a girl that doesn't want to be touched, you could get expelled from college, office and probably get arrested if you're office or something.

Do not even think of following her, you could end up in a jail cell. Remember following can be classed as stalking which is a criminal offense.

Even if she doesn't know you're checking her out, other people might. You wouldn't believe how obvious it can look. Be discreet!

मी कधीच रिस्क घेत नाही ...!!!

 

The Amazing Weight Loss Program

A fat guy named Suprasad saw "lose 5kg in a week" in newspaper.
He calls the company & lady says be ready tomorrow at 6 am.

The next morning Suprasad opens the door & finds a hot babe with just shoes, underpants & shirt saying "u catch me u f**k me! & the girl starts running.
Suprasad starts running but doesn't catch her.

So during the whole week Suprasad tried to catch her but couldn't.
However he loses 5 kg.

He then asks for the 10 kg program.

Next morning at 6 Suprasad opens the door and sees an even hotter babe in shoes, thong & a shirt saying "u catch me u f**k me".
He loses 10 kg dat week.

So he thought this program is awesome!
Lets try the 25 kg so he asked for the 25 kg but the lady said r u sure its really tough.

Next day at 6 Suprasad opens the door expecting to see a fabulous babe but finds a Negro Gay in just underwear saying 'If I catch u I will f**k u!'

That week Suprasad lost 30 kgs..!
 

THE SIMILARITIES BETWEEN WOMEN AND FISH

Finally with the help of Barney Stinson the complete list of 24 similarities between Fish and Women, I added some flavors to match up what would I come up with.

1. Both attracted to shiny objects
2. More fun to catch while drinking
3. Neither travel well (I meant drive but you would think I am crazy)
4. Both are slim mostly
5. Girls don't get bored in a mall. like fishes don’t get bored in an aquarium
6. Short term memory ( if you disagree, see fish roaming within a fish pond like it forgets from where it came from)
7. Three words: catch and release
8. Both travel in protective groups
9. Small bladders
10. The deeper you go, the scarier they get
11. Their weight largely determines their value
12. They are oddly attracted to color
13. They want their mates to be big and strong
14. Both wild and farm raised have their benefits
15. You must document great catches or no one will believe you -- video preferred
16. They keep opening their mouths, but nothing important comes out
17. Cold blooded
18. Neither can operate a vehicle
19. They both eat things
20. The harder they shake their tail, the farther they'll go in life
21. Scales are important to each of them
22. They never have to buy drinks or pay dinner
23. Both can swim well
24. Untrained dogs just don’t know how to properly catch or handle them

Interesting questions

1. Why does Donald Duck wear a towel when he comes out of the shower, when he doesn't usually wear any pants?

2. Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but people don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?

3. If an ambulance is on its way to save someone, and it runs someone over, does it stop to help them?

4. Can blind people see their dreams?

5. Why do most cars have speedometers that go up to at least 130 when you legally can't go that fast on any road?

6. How come you press harder on a remote control when you know the battery is dead?

7. If an orange is orange, why isn't a lime called a green or a lemon called a yellow?

8. If a cat always lands on its feet, and buttered bread always lands butter side down, what would happen if you tied buttered bread on top of a cat?

YO Sutti

I will be out of the office till 11/01/11 starting tomorrow. For queries related to –

1. Attaraction between a-like polls contact Niraj or Munshi.

2. for satsang and management related issues contact Amit BaalPathak

3. for more information on Pune city roads and locations etc and also jar tumhala vatat asel tumche “Daate” salsalatay then contact Jadyya 

4. for good looking tips and attracting all kinds of women contact Dolya

5. for knowing how to save money by doing perfect kanjusi since our appraisal is pending contact Fani

6. to know more information about Fog lamps and their technical specification contact Dinesh

7. to learn “Ganimi kava” contact Swapnil and Varun

8. to get ling###### news and SMSs contact Bodya

9. to learn how to light things in full blowing windy situation contact Pushkar

10. to know how to lose youself (#####) from guy in US contact babya Lozzzzzzzzzzzz

For anything urgent that needs my attention you can reach me at 992200XXXX

Pudhacha vishay purshanche nippl**s (Marathit bonde)

Ankhi ek ignored ani unused organ mhanje purshanche nipples (Marathit bonde)...

1. Purshanche nipples veg-veglya akara madhe asatat, soppa jave mhanun kahi lok tyalla nannyacha size madhe mojatat,,, udaranharth chaar-aane, aathanee, 1 rupayaa, etyadi,,, sagalyat funny akaar mhanje purviche 20 paise(shatkoni akaarache)
2. Kahi purshanchaaa bondyancha aavati fovati barech kess adhalatat, amhhi tyalla chivaadyat manuka ase mhanto...
3. Ekhadya karyakrama madhe bharpur fuggee fugavaychi asatil ani galache gal-fuge karayche nastatil tar barik vyakti madhe bondyan madhun cycle pump ne hava bharta yete ani ti hava nantar ek ek fuga fugayla kami yeu shakate ...
4. Pratekk bondyancha ethe ek screw asato he donhi screw ughadale ki mansachi chhatti sharira pasun vegali karata yete...
5. Bondyanna dava ujava asa na mhanta... sonu monu,,, chantu bantu ashi nave thevali tar tyannaa faar bara vatate..
6. Aati sadpatal bandha asalelya vyakticha donhi bondyanaa dora bandhala tar tyalla pataanga sarkhee udavita yete... jar to "girra" patanga sarkha eka bajula zukaat asel tar tyacha kaanala weight balance karnya sathi "kanni" bandhavi lagate...
7. Kuthalya mansalla tyachi bonde lapavaychi asel tar to band-aid cha vapar karu shakato...
8. Sarva purushanna juli bonde asatat,,, jyanche donhi bonde akarmanat vegale asatat te imbalance mule nagmodi chaltat...
9. Jar bondynaa khilyane thokun sharira madhe khupasale tar mansalla 3 bembya disatli.

Majha avadta kida - Gogalgaay

1. Gogalgaay madhe google ani gaay donhi naste pan mahiti nahi tila gogalgaay ka mhantat..
2. Google computer var kahitari khup fast aste (ase teacher ne sangitle hote) Ani gaay jaminivar medium fast. Pan gogalgaay khup slow asate..
3. Ti jatana khali chikkat fevicol sodte mhanun tichi body chipakate ani ticha speed slow hoto.. Majhi ajji pan khup slow chalte pan ti fevicol sodat nahi. 
4. Gaay dudh dete pan gogalgay fevicol dete tila bembi nasun suddha...
5. Gogalgaay la English madhe snail mhantat.. Amchya class chya SNEHAL la me snail asa chidavaycho... 
6. Tine majhi baainna complaint keli.. Mhanun mala muli avdat nahi.. (hyacha artha asa nahi ki mala mula avadatat)
7. Muli khup chalu astat.. pan chalta chalta tya favicol sodat nahi...mullana pudya sodatat
8. Gogalgaay chya pathivar shankh chipaklela asto.. Ti roj shankhat zopte (me kadhi kadhi office madhe zopto)..
9. Shankha faar sundar aste.. Tya mule gogalgaay masta diste.. Aditya PONDS powder lavlyalar to pan masta disto...
10. Googalgay he swatch naar ani mada donhi asate, hyacha artha mhanje te swatach swatache prajannan karatat... (barech loka eeee aseee udgaaar kadhatil he vachun)
11. Googalgay che dole ticha donhi shinganvar astat, tyamule tila uchavarache disate...
12. Ekhadhi vyakti khup bholi asel tar apan tila "gogalgay potat pay" ase mhanto, pan kuthalyahi vyaktiche paay tyacha potat fakta sakaalcha velela shi karatanna asatat... 

Ajcha nibandha Dukarawar...

1. Dukkar ha purnhata paliv prani nahi. Dukkare he adnaw asate. Konala asa adanavavarun chidavu naye.
2. Dukkar "gu" khato. Jibh pakadun "gul" mhanala ki gu asa aiku yete.
3. Dukkar "gatarit" lollato.Loka Gatari-amawashala khup daru pitat. "Daru pine se liver kharab hota hai".
4. Dukkarala pan bembi asate, sagalya bembya line madhe asatat. Amcha Bodya tyala lighting ase mhanto.
5. Dukkarache 2 jati ahet. Jati bhed karane khup wait ahe. Sadha dukkar ani "ran"-Dukkar.
6. Ekada ran-dukkar ani James bond eka khaddyat padatat. James bond mhanto "I am Bond,James Bond", Dukkar mhanto "I am Dukkar, ran Dukkar"
7. English madhe Dukkarala "Pig" mhantat. Lahan pani mi Piggy Bank madhe paise takaycho.
8. Botane nakacha shenda war kela tar, dukkara sarkhe nak disate.
9. Dukkar family madhe khup changale sanskar kele jatat, ekda family dinner la "shi" (English : shit) khat asatanna baby dukkar vicharato, aii aii apan jevatanna shi ka khato... aai dukkar mhante... " E tula sangitlay na jevtana ghaan bolayche nahi!!"

Pudhacha wishayy "kawala"

Mazi ajji mhante "Kawalachya shapane gai marat nai". Mhanun pudhacha wishayy "kawala"...

1. Gai ha paliv prani ahe. Pan Kawala ha paliv paxi nahi... Ha tyachawar anyay ahe, kawalyane konache ghode marale ahe, ki tyala palat nahi.

2. "Ghode lawane" he ek shivi ahe,pan "kahi" muli bindok sarkha he shivi use karatat (without knowing its meaning). "Bindok" mhanje, mulina asahi doka nasata. No ofense

3. Kawala ha faar hushar paxi ahe ani hi hushari tyacha pudhachya pidhit wadhaat jate. Purwi kawala "Maatha" madhala pani dagad takun pyacha. Modern Kawala straw takun "Sprite" pito. Kinva maathacha budala bhok padun paani pito... waaahhh

4. Marathit manda wyaktila "Maathha" ase mhantat.

5. Bahutek sarva kavale "Gay" asavet, Karan female kavala (Kavalin) cha ullekh or drushtanta kuthech nahi...

6. Kawalyala koni kitihi wait bolla tari kawala "ghasala" shiwalya shiway mukti milat nahi.

7. Mazya eka mitra la amhi "Kawalya" mhanto tar dusaryala "Kavva Biryani" (olakha pahu kon te)

8. Shejayrcha "gore" kakanna kala mulaga zala, tar tyancha "Popat" zala ase sagale mhanale (Arthat kawala zala mhanayla hawa hota)

9. Kavala dudh det nahi (of course coz of lack of bembi) barech loka mhantil ki to mammel nahi mhanun.. Murkha ahet te...

10. Mazi ashi appeal ahe ki kavalyala rashtriaya paxi karayla hava... mora pexa,,, asahi moor kay kamacha... Kaamit kami Afrikene tari karava

11. Rastrial paxi varun athavala, Kawalyacha anthem asa kahi tari asava "Hum kaale hai to kya hua, dil wale hai..." 

Atta Kombadiwar 4 shabda...

1. Mala sagalech prani ani paxi awadatat. Prani khup chawishta asatat. "Kombadi" wisheshtaha jasta chawishta asalyane maza awadata paxi ahe.
2. Komadi khallyane "Bird flu" hoto.
3. Kombadi "Shaka-hari" ahe, mhanun mala ticha adar watato.
4. Kombadila dagad marala tar ticha 'pak pakak' asa awaj yeto. mala to far awadato. Nana patekarcha ek cinemamache nav 'pak pak pakak' asa ahe.
5. Purwiche lok kombadya chorat,tyanna kombadi chor ase mhanat,Chori karane gunha ahe.
6. Kombadi "Ande" dete, pratek kombadila nehamich juli (twins) andee hotat...
7. kombadicha bali detat. Bali dene hi pratha vait ahe ase, "Aditya" kal 'Chicken tandori' khatana mhanala.
8. Purwi 'Kombada' arawaycha, ani 'Kombadi' zopun asaychi,,,,(Alashi kuthali )
9. Kombadi la "Bembi" nasate, mhanun ti dudh det nahi. (Gaicha logic)
10. Kombadi kadhi kadhi 'Sonya' che ande dete. Mala ghari ladane 'Sonya' hak maratat.
11. Gatari cha divashicha char ooli - कोंबडीच्या हातात हात घालून बोकड लागले नाचू, आषाढ गेला श्रावण आला आता महिनाभर तरी वाचू !! :)

Essay on Gai

This Nibandha is dedicated to "Gai"

Amerike madhe mulala "gai" ase mhantat, and tyach mulala dusara mulga avadat asel tar tyalla "gay" mhantat..

India madhe gavat khanarya pranyala "gai" mhantat.Gaila char pay ani 2 kan asatat. 

4 Pay tar Dukkarala pan asata. Dukkar "gu" khato. Jibh pakadun

"gul" mhanala ki gu asa aiku yete. Gai shepatine mashya

marate. Melelya mashanche Sukat-Bombil kartat. Snacks madhe "Bombil" flavor che Medu

wade miltat. Te far tasty asatat. Vinod office madhe "Gai gai" karato.

Gai dudh dete pan amhi 'Chitalyanche' dudh pito. Gaichya "shi" la shen mhantat.

Shenache "Gauri" banate. Gai la 4 bembya asatat (Kal cha bembi nibandha). Gaichya nawaryala

"Bail" mhantat. Sagar la amhi Valu ase mhanto. Polyala bailachi puja karatat. Puja mala khup awadate. Gaichya galyawarun hath firawala

tar gai ladat yete. Gaila mata mhantat. Bhatrat mata ki jay. "Sholey" madhe Bacchan cha naw "Jay" hota. To

"sala nautanki" asa sarkha sarkha mhanaycha. Sala baykocha bhawala pan mhantat. Mazi ajji mhante 

"Kawalachya shapane gai marat nai". Kawala ha kala asato. 5 Rs madhe "kawwa biryani" milate. Biryani tar

kombadichi pan asate. Komadi khallyane "Bird flu" hoto.

Essay on Bembi

Bembi ha Human Anatomy madhla saglyat Ignored avayav ahe. Bembisaglyanna aste. Saglyanchi Bembi sunder aste. Mhanje tumchya dadhitnoodle lombat asle tari tumachi bembi sunder aste. For e.g Otiv chiBembi sunder ahe ekdum Tom Cruise sarkhi. Bembi baddal ajun ekmahatwachi fact ji lokanna mahit naste ti mhanje naak Dabun "bebi" asamhantala ki "Bembi" asa aiku yeta. Bembi kapli tar punha ugavate.Bembivar kes nastat. Bembi triangular asli tar te abnormal asta.

Bembi che upayog

1.Bembi, Bembi, Bembi asa mhanyala maja yete

2."BaL kuthun yeta?" asa vicharlyavar "Bembitun" asa lahan mullanna sangayala bara padta

3.BaL bembitun baher yeta. (Tumhala mahit nhavata kaa?? Haan thike)

4.Jya lokanna 2 Bembya astat tyanna ek donate karata yete.6. 6.Bembitala maL tasty asto

5.Harnala pan bembi asate( ani tyat la malawar asankhya kavinni Kavita kelya ahe jyala Kasturi ase mhantat).

6.Bembi madhe toned milk takun refrigerator madhe jhopla ki sakali Modakachya shape cha malai pedha tayar hoto.

7.Bembi madhe ek screw asto jo ughadala ki Tond body pasun separate hote.

8.Bhukyanangya lokkanchya pota ani pathi madhe Bembi cha deth yeto. Tyamuletyancha pot kadhich pathila lagat nahi. Thodakyat bembi mule te 2D aivaji 3D distat.

9. Gaila 4 bembya asatat.

10.Gayichay Bembitun dudh kadhtat.( Kahi loka tyala nipple mhantat, pan nipple chhativar asta potavar nahi)

11. Bembi la dora bandhun mansala uchalla tar tyacha wajan kami bharata.

12. Kombadi la bembe nasate.

13 Kutryanna line madhe bembya asatat ( Gaichach logic ).

14 Ladies bembi la "Bembi" ch mhantat ani Gents bembi la "Bemba" mhantat